Random wisdom

From the book Soul Retrieval, by Sandra Ingerman:

When we are fully home, a more realistic attitude about people around us seems to emerge. Some individuals feel it's easier to accept other people, maybe because now they can accept themselves. For others, a "reality check" might show that a relationship with a certain person is abusive and needs to end. Whatever the issue, many people find that the ways they relate to others do change.

Heart-held

Wow. A couple of things I just ran across -- one, Gwen Bell's post today on moving toward the heart of your work; two, a link from @zen_habits to a post at mnmlist.com on letting go of goals...there are days when things like this come spinning into your life and it's easier to grasp that they are important than it is to realize exactly what the importance is.

Except that there are lots of synchronicities whirling into my personal space right now that seem to simultaneously encourage me to let go of ...well, everything (yeah, today's Buddhism 101 reminder...I am SO not good at letting go), and open up to new possibilities that right now I can't quite put into words. Just...impressions. Of the importance of being whole (note: I love my day job, it's lots of fun, and I don't intend to leave it unless something much bigger comes along first, so I'm really looking at something that's in addition to...an expansion of my life energy) in what we say and do, including the stuff we do for pay and being able to be paid to exist (check out Jonathan Mead's The Zero Hour Workweek) (note: when I wrote this, the link wasn't working, but hopefully is soon--if I find a corrected link, I'll change it.).

Rumi running through my mind: let the beauty we love be what we do. There are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

My epiphany the other day was how much I love telling stories--not just the ones I write, but everyone's. I love making a good story better, or brainstorming one from the beginning. Finding the story that resonates through the "facts," imagining the bigger story behind the obvious. Not necessarily spirtual, by the way--I love just as much looking at a newspaper story and creating a novel out of it! It's like taking a puzzel and putting the pieces together...

If telling a story is the heart of me, the heart of what I do, can my "zero hour workweek" be achieved through my writing? Is there an opportunity heading my way to do editing or story development? Is there a less mundane opportunity to be had creating spiritual stories or developing visions?

Resonance

What resonates with you? Who resonates with you? What and who in your life has an energy that you can lean into as though it's a second skin?

Understand that resonance isn't the same as feeling good--it's more than that. There's a comfort level with resonance that makes the thing/person an extension of you. It's about an energy that vibrates both of you up a level or so. It's about energy that makes you shine brighter, more spiritually (even on a mundane level) ... and with which you do the same. It's interactive, not taking or giving, but sharing.

You want more of this in your life.

Meditation notes

I love the meditation circle that meets at Spiral Circle most Saturday nights (clarification: I love it always, it meets most Saturdays). It's a nice change of pace to go into a space prepared by someone else, meditate to music (usually at-home meditations are silent) chosen by someone else, and in a group of people who are 90% familiar to me, with some new energy added most weeks.

The faciliators have an absolute knack for choosing music that blows my mind, although I rarely remember to ask them what it was. There's been a lot of "space music" feeling to it lately (at least that's what it sounds like to me--very electronic-y, airy feeling) and it inevitably drops me into a space I hadn't planned to visit. I imagine it's a lot like using psychedelics (I never have), but without the side-effects. Last night, for example, I got to meditate/communicate in a blue-green waterfall that was like being surrounded by this mist of...well, that's about as far as the description goes. Absolute clarity in vision, answers to my questions (okay, so Spirit was doing this "all will be well" thing for most of them, but it worked), and a wonderful feeling of calm after a somewhat stressful week--it felt so good to relax into the experience. Since external stress is staying pretty ramped up right now, I may start meditating to music at home as well, see what effect that has.

Tyler's Trek

Yes, it's 5:30. A.M. Yes, I'm a morning person, but not this morning...I can count on one hand the number of hours of sleep last night. No thumbs, fingers left over.

Yes, there's a bigger story.

Today is the Miracle Miles Run (I'm walking. Wait 'til next year, though.) to benefit the NICU at Winnie Palmer Hospital in Orlando. Arrive by 6:45 to start walking @7:10 for the 5k. Raise money for tiny miracles so they can grow up to be big miracles. I'm doing this because a year and a half ago, my friend Tracy went into labor in January--instead of April, as originally scheduled.

Her son, Tyler, spent the first eight weeks of his life in NICU, with Tracy and her husband making daily visits, until Tyler was big enough and developed enough to come home. Today, he's an active(!) toddler, completely caught up developmentally, and absolutely adorable to boot. When Tracy found out about the Miracle Miles run several months ago, she set herself a fundraising goal and a running goal, and took off, bringing several of us along with her (not that we needed convincing).

I can't think clearly enough at the moment to find the link to her webpage (it has video), but if you Google Tyler's Trek and then look for "guest blogger Tracy Jones" on the Lara Dien blog (my writing blog), you can find both the post she wrote for me, and a link to her site. Watching Tyler grow from just two pounds and change (and he's considered big by NICU standards!) to where he is today is just amazing. I asked Tracy yesterday if she had to use just one word--and the word could not be "Tyler"--to describe why she's running today, her reply was immediate.

Miracles.

Tell a bigger story

If your life seems closed down, shuttered, in a rut, going nowhere, lacking meaning, maybe it's time to consider a bigger story.

One challenge many writers face is the harsh realization that you've written yourself into a corner. This is a lot like painting yourself into a corner, where the options are wait until the paint dries, or leave a fresh set of footprints all over your nice new floor. Both are good options, when used appropriately.

In life, sometimes we drift into a pattern that made sense at the time, but now we're...stuck. The story seems caught somewhere in the middle of the forest, with trial after trial and wicked old Baba Yaga just waiting to pounce on you, or worse, you're Rapunzel in the tower waiting...(in our case, the handsome prince is a metaphor for whatever it is that you're waiting for). But what if Rapunzel climbed down her own hair, instead of lowering it for her jailer or her rescuer? What if Snow White looked at the apple and said, huh, think I'll peel this and make an apple pie? What if I did something no one--not even I--expect me to do?

What if I make my life story bigger than me? Walk in a breast cancer walk? Write a poem and recite it at a poetry jam...just to say I did? Made a bucket list (aka life list) and committed myself to marking things off it, one at a time? Learned how to teach someone to read? Ladled out rice and beans at a soup kitchen?

What if I found a way that speaks to me (it's no good if you try to push yourself into someone else's idea of it--that's just exhausting) by which no matter what I do, I see how it's part of the broader community, the bigger story...what if I decided that being a cog in the machine was just okay...because every machine needs its cogs.

What if?

Seek, and ye shall find

In the last week I've run into three different mentions of freelance editing (for individuals). Last week, a man in the writers' group I meet with mentioned that he'd met someone who'd just paid over $2000 to have his novel professionally edited (ah, there's my sticking point--does it count if I'm a published writer whose editor is thrilled at how little editing she has to do?). Two days ago, a friend I haven't talked to in several months saw an ad on craigslist looking for an editor...and thought to get in touch with me (in general, not to pass on the information, but still...). Yesterday, flipping through a regional green/alternative wellness/etc magazine someone gave me a couple of weeks ago, I saw an ad for a woman who does that sort of editing.

I'm in a space where it's hard for me to interpret anything as a sign (although winning the lottery would be a good one!), but still...the definition of synchronicity is meaningful coincidence....

Ask, and it shall be given

Charles deLint wrote a book several years ago that comes to mind every time I think about using the internet as a power source. The book was Spirits in the Wires, and it has nothing to do with what I'm about to do, but still...my overwhelming memory of the book is the living, breathing, reality of that spirit world.

I guess I'm thinking of it right now as an electronic prayer flag.

There's a lot going on--for everyone--and things are shifting, the old giving way for the new, and sometimes it's overwhelming trying (is that an ego thing?) to keep our feet amid the sand and the flow. One of the things that is perpetually in my "conscious sanity" vision is a life free of financial worry, and let me be specific about that: my debts paid, my obligations (both past and present) fulfilled, sufficient income for me to meet my current needs and wants in a timely, healthy manner.

So here's my statement: I trust in Source to create a flow of immediate, unexpected income to fulfill that desire. I don't know how, or through what channel, but I'm trusting.

Random moments

The most important: Gwen Bell ( @gwenbell ), quoting David Deida, who says this better than I could have ever thought of on my own--and it was the one thing I needed most to see/hear today:

"Spiritual practice is the capacity to offer your love even when you feel hurt, closed down, angry, misunderstood, or hated."

I'm on Twitter now, too. I plan to be tweeting thoughts/inspirational quotes a few times a week (daily would be good, but we'll see--I'm a little slow on these sometimes). Follow me @conscioussanity. Should have the profile completed tonight, but for now....it's boring. By tomorrow, maybe not.

"Spiritual practice is the capacity to offer your love even when you feel hurt, closed down, angry, misunderstood, or hated."

Repeat as necessary.

Letting go

Lately the line "you must do the thing you think you cannot do" has been running through my mind. Eleanor R., wasn't it? At any rate, it's there, teasing me, as I contemplate letting go to make room for new experiences.

You must do the thing you think you cannot do. It becomes an admonition to let go of those things that mean the most to me, but that I know are not in my new best interests. To put it very mundanely...who'd have thought I'd have to give up pizza as a lifestyle change? (Seriously, pizza is on my list of top five lifetime favorite foods....) To put it less mundanely...sitting (zazen). Yoga poses. Stretching myself, and not just physically.

You must do the thing you think you cannot do. Not only letting go of things I never thought I could let go of, but also the DOING...what we want is often outside our comfort zone. We must reach for it. Reach for the thing we think we cannot touch. Even if it hurts, even if we pull a muscle, even if we have to stretch farther than we ever thought possible.

Do the thing you think you cannot do.

Anticipating change

Restlessness and anxiety are often signs that we're missing something. Our internal compass--the one that says "keep going this way" gets thrown off and starts wobbling.

I've found a couple of ways to approach this. One is to do a quick review of what I'm doing in my life--have I started drifting? Or, worse, made a deliberate move that is not in my best interests?

The other approach--and they aren't an either/or--is to open myself up to the energy around me. Actively look for synchronicity and messages that guide me to the next step. Sometimes restlessness is a way for Spirit to gently aid me in letting go and making room for what comes next.

I'm so lucky

Driving back to the office this morning after a meeting downtown, deep in conversation with a friend/coworker about something or other and we drove past the hospital...and past a homeless man pushing a shopping cart down the middle of the left turn lane. My friend noticed he'd just been in the hospital (had those sticky things they attach you to monitors with).

Instant gratitude for my health, my job, my life-trappings that allow me the freedom to do what I love.

Embracing obstacles

So first there was my sis pointing out that roses have thorns, but that doesn't stop them from being roses, and in fact, if they didn't have thorns, they'd probably be pale imitations of roses just to protect themselves (okay, I said it that way, she didn't, but that's my new interpretation of her "find joy" comment).

Then on Gwen Bell's blog today...there it was again. Of course, she was talking about detractors, trolls, whatever name you give the people who disagree with you, but the same principle.

And I'm a writer, so I know this.

It's tension. Life is a hell of a lot less interesting if there are no rocks in the road. The victory dance in the end zone is more fun when the runner had to make it past the entire front line (or whatever you call it...the problem with sports metaphors is you have to understand the sport!) to get there.

I'm not praising the problem, here, or telling you that you HAVE to suffer for your art. I'm just saying that the challenges have their place in our stories...we grow, we change, because we're forced even an inch out of our comfort zone.

Discipline is remembering what you want

I almost didn't post today. I've been crazy-busy at work, the universe dropped a few bricks on my head this morning (at which point my sis pointed out that you still gotta go through it, and the best way to do that is with faith that there is joy in whatever you're going through), and overall....

But I'd made this commitment to myself that I would post something every day--something insightful (for me, at least), inspirational, or at least something to think about.

So here I am.

I spent the evening with a bunch of writers--all of us in different genres, some writing for publication, others for private pleasure. Things have been so busy, I've been coming home lately, looking at the writing projects, and groaning. I'm tired. But...this is what I want.

I'm craving a sandwich--a big, filled to bursting sub from my favorite sub place. It's entirely possible that it's because I'm at the 'between' point in my cycle and my body thinks it needs more fuel. It doesn't. So dinner was (once again) lean protein and vegetables. I'm not depriving myself (people keep reminding me not to do that), I'm moving toward my goal of ideal health. This is what I want.

Tomorrow night is the shamans' group meetup. Odds are pretty good that I'll still be tired, having a lot of stuff going on at work tomorrow, plus all the writing/editing/etc I'm supposed to be doing. But I'll go. Because that's what I want. I want it more than I want to veg out and watch tv or read a book. Just like I want the healthy body and mind more than I want the sub sandwich or the Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Just like I want the writing gig more than I want a break. I want to remind myself of the path I'm on--keep the record, even if no one else reads it--more than I want the extra five minutes of sleep (not sure I can say that about the gym in the morning, but at least I'm on the blog!).

Discipline is remembering what I want.

One life to live

Once, many years ago, someone told me that belief in reincarnation was a 'cop-out'. To this day, I don't know why he thought it was a cop-out any more than his own belief in being saved and going to heaven was.

But maybe that's because deep down I believe it doesn't matter. I think that whatever you believe happens after this physical existence is done gets swept away by the reality and it's all going to work out.

So back to the 'cop-out' thing. Regardless of your beliefs, the cop-out--the excuse--happens when your belief in what happens next replaces action you take here and now. What if we each acted as if one shot was all we had at getting it right (whatever that happens to be)? If whatever happens after, was dictated only by how much energy we put into creating, loving, living big without hurting others (you know, the other things most religions teach)? If you couldn't pass it off as a lesson you'll work on next time, or something "God will forgive." (Personal note: a bumper sticker I find really annoying is the one that reads "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." Every time I see it, I think, huh, so whatever you do, that's okay because ....?)

What if, instead, we approached life with this thought: what if this is the best possible set of circumstances, the best possible life, for me to make a difference? And it will never be this perfectly set again, and I'm going to take advantage of that?

Listen

We meditate to become more aware...and one of the things meditation teaches us in the process is how to listen.

Not to the external noises--they're often as distracting as the internal noise. We get caught by them, by the "I need," "you must," "this is what's important" messages from everyone and everything around us. Do this, watch that, buy such and such so your life will be complete.

When we listen--really listen--we hear a completely different set of messages. Sure, sometimes they begin with "you must." The difference between the "you must" of the outside and the "you must" of spirit is something you'll know immediately when you hear it, though. Or maybe you won't, and Spirit will continue gently (at first) knocking until you get around to opening the door. Spirit "you musts" won't let you say no for very long!

But the true messages resonate on a cellular level, and they're a lot easier to hear (and recognize) when we aren't distracted by the rest of them. Meditation, then, allows us to develop an ear for those quiet messages of spirit. We sweep away the clutter of all the other messages, and what's left is a beautiful silence. And then, through the silence, we hear what we were really meant to hear.

Music to my ears

I've been listening a lot to a cd called The Shaman's Heart. The facilitators of the meditation group I work with have played it a couple of times for us to journey with, and I love it. Every time I listen to it, I hear different rhythms--the first time, I was immediately (despite other plans) transported to a waterfall; another time I dove deeper into the journey than I've ever gone before (literally--a hole opened up, then another....). Now, especially when I'm falling asleep to it, I seek out different pieces of it--the sound of the rain, the sound of the heartbeat.

New inspiration

Inspiring to me, at least. Don't know how inspiring it is for anyone else, but I have a new measurement for my health--as I continue to eat right, hit the treadmill, and so forth....I've lost a 7 year old.

That's right, I've lost the same amount of weight as my 7yo goddaughter weighs.

How's that for perspective?

Conscious Sanity defined

Conscious Sanity: living awake, aware, goal-oriented, filling my space and time with people and ideas I care about. The "things" that matter are the things I'm striving to include: health, creativity, independence, love..or to put it more mundanely: living healthy/fit, writing (my branch of creativity), being prosperous and in a great romantic relationship. Friends who matter. Being consciously sane means knowing what I want and moving toward being in that space at all times, as well as knowing what I don't want so I don't drift into that by mistake. It means making time for the important things, and being willing to say "no" to other people's important things when necessary.

That's what I want for you, too.

Well, not the details. Those are up to you. But conscious sanity? Yeah, that I wish for everyone. Imagine a world in which we all walked around saying--to ourselves, at least--'my life rocks.' No regrets, just fulfillment.

Affirmations

Remember the old SNL skit with the guy standing in front of the mirror, daily affirming "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me"?

Yeah, I feel like that sometimes. No, not the sentiment, the silliness of it. Standing in front of a mirror, or a treasure map, mouthing words that I hope will change negative thought into positive action. (Don't ask me why I don't feel silly visualizing.)

And then I remember why it works.

It works because our minds and brains and bodies are wonderfully malleable. If we hear something frequently (or perhaps loudly) enough, we believe it, and belief becomes reality.

I think it also works because it reminds us of what we're aiming for. If I tell myself, and perhaps others, that I've lost 45 pounds, even if I haven't gotten there (yet), it's a frequent reminder that I need to get on the treadmill, eat real food (and not too much of it). Makes giving up pizza easier, too. Not much, but enough.

In the abstract, it's also a cosmic reminder: I am creating the life I desire.

Trust

Part of my path in creating this amazing life I live is ... trust.

Trust that no matter what my plans, the right thing is happening at the right time.

Today I experienced that in a whole different way. It's now almost 9:30 p.m. My plans included a well, list...(we all know how I like lists). Almost none of it happened. Other things happened. So now I'm feeling pressure to cram five hours of work into five minutes of pre-bedtime. Which is silly, of course.

So I have to trust that the things that happened (largely outside my sphere of control--or even influence) are more important to my growth than the things I'd planned.

Maybe that sounds a little controlling--it probably IS. Maybe even a lot controlling. But after years of drifting, discipline is important and part of me is worried that not adhering to my "list" will result in more drift....

I trust not.

In its own perfect time

A reminder: My life is bigger than I can perceive; everything I want is here, now.

Progress

I like lists. I like making them, and I really like checking things off them. I like knowing where I'm going and recognizing it when I've arrived.

School was easy. You studied, you took tests, you wrote papers, you did whatever you did and someone who was smarter than you told you if you did it right. Even if they didn't know the exact information (I had a professor once who gave me an A on a paper for no other reason than that I'd discovered something in my research--and questioned it--that he hadn't been aware of in thirty years of studying the subject).

Life is a little more uncertain. You do what you're doing, and then you check in with yourself to see if you got where you thought you would.

The karma of karma

Like the car alarm that bellows "step away from the car."

Step away from the karma. Basically, karma is consequence. This life, past life, next life, our actions are connected by the energy we put into them.

So why do we (or maybe it's just "I") treat it like it's the guiding principle of our lives?

Why do we insist on paying for past sins a hundred times over instead of atoning and moving on? If my "karma" is to be a victim, because I was an abuser in a past life (as I've seen/heard people say), do I have to continue being a victim? Will I then be an abuser in the next round, to "make up for" whatever happened this time?

Or do I say, with love, this serves no purpose. I release myself from this karma, I release you from this karma. If I must atone for my abuses, I choose to choose a different path--not of victim, but of healer, protector.

Abuser/victim is an "obvious" example, but by no means the only one. I'm also not assuming abuser/victim relationships exist only because someone is working out karma. But I don't think I am irrevocably tied to my past in a way that keeps me from making different choices.

Granted, I'm a little old to become a ballerina, but I can still dance.

First picture, then work

A lot of getting what you want is like following a map. You can do anything you want to highlight your destination--put a circle around it, put a big gold star on it, surround it with pictures of what you think it should look like...but if you never set foot on the path that leads to it, you'll never arrive.

This is easy to figure out when action is required. If you want to be a published author, you're going to have to sit down and write. If you want to be a yogi, you're going to have to do yoga. If you want to be a cordon bleu chef, you'll have to at least learn how to boil water.

We forget, sometimes, that the same could very well apply in other areas. Want a new car? Visualizing is good--visualizing might be essential. Visualizing a new car without going out to car lots on Saturday mornings might get your old car stolen to put you in a place where you must take action to fulfill your desire. Even if the action is small--you want a new car, but the money just isn't there. Any action, no matter how small--a penny in the penny jar every night--is a step toward the outcome. The universe can feed on this step, bringing more resources to you, not limited to what you are physically able to add.

It is traditional to add to visualizations, affirmations, and prayers for things like this--whether emotional blessings, physical wealth, or other changes--an affirmation for a positive process: for the highest good of all, with harm to none, in the right time and place, etc.

But don't forget the power of the penny jar. Little things add up.

Visualizing success

A friend did some work for me last week, because I was getting stuck in my own expectations. "I'm visualizing success and synchronicity," she said. Which was pretty funny, since I hadn't mentioned the word 'synchronicity'--or even the concept--in any of our recent conversations. So I took it as a good sign that she, at least, was visualizing on the right wavelength.

We know what we want (most of the time). We know ourselves, what suits us, what the path we walk ought to look like; no matter how far our present lives are from that path, that setting, we know what it should be.

We make lists. We make treasure maps. We visualize success. It works. Mostly.

I was reading some book or another once, and there was an exercise that asked you to visualize not the physical trappings of success (side note: success is always considered to be "success as defined by you"), but the emotional ones. How do you want to feel? Not in the sense of "imagine how you'll feel driving that expensive car," but "how will driving that expensive car contribute to the feeling you want to be surrounded with."

How do I want to feel, at all times, in my life? I want to feel independent, creative, certain, joyous. I want to feel curious and engaged with the world around me. I want to feel safe, able to handle easily anything life throws my way. Or maybe I want to feel energized, comforted, challenged....everyone has a slightly different list. Then, what surroundings (assuming I want to change my surroundings, whether physical, career-oriented, relationship-oriented, etc) do I visualize as supporting that?

Be willing to work for it

I'm sort of copying the post I just did on my writing blog--is that lazy? Especially in a post about work?

But, as noted yesterday, I'm reading the book Outliers--and not only does timing factor into success, argues Gladwell, so does work.

About 10,000 hours of it, dedicated to What You Want To Do (caps for a reason).

If your WYWTD is write, about 10,000--given a certain degree of talent to begin with--will bring you to the top of your writing game. Meditation? Interesting question, isn't it? Yoga?

Part of Gladwell's point seems to be that once you are good enough, the difference between the bottom and the top is work. Once you get into Harvard, the difference between you and all the other Harvard students is how much you're willing to work for WYWTD. An hour a day? Three hours a day? Eight hours a day?

Stephen King: Talent is cheaper than table salt. The difference between the talented individual and the successful one is a lot of hard work.

Open to inspiration, then be willing to work.

Practical magic

I'm reading the book Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. Last night on TV, my background noise while writing was the movie Practical Magic (one of my all-time favorites).

It may not be all about the timing, but it might be a lot about the timing. When the path you're on, and the place you're heading are lined up, what difference does a traffic light make?

It changes the people you come into contact with. It changes the speed at which you arrive. And if you think thirty seconds can't make a difference, try getting through a traffic light thirty seconds after it's changed...

Timing changes the weather--it can be the difference between a sunny day in the park and taking shelter with a complete stranger under a picnic pavilion during a lightning storm. It can be the difference between getting someplace "on time" or being locked out...and going to do something else for an hour.

It can mean missing your plane...or getting on it just in time to sit next to the one person you most needed to talk to, whether you knew it or not.

It's being available for a free-lance job, or having already agreed to go to Morocco with that cute soccer player.

It's answering the phone, or missing the call.

It's being late for work, or having five minutes to kiss your partner good morning...thus getting your entire day off to a good start.