Juggling, goals, and other "stuff"

Work, life...I let my priorities shift several times this year, including this past week. Actually, including several times this past month. Then some things came up that gave me reason to think--hard--about what I'm doing here. They're all kind of twisted together, so bear with me while I unwind them a bit.

I just finished reading Seth Godin's Tribes, a book about taking what you're passionate about, and leading. I read a quote somewhere recently from someone I can't remember (my apologies to the originator) that went something like: Imagine that everyone in the world was following your lead. Would you like where you were leading them? Answer: not really.

I also just finished (today) reading Colin Beavan's No Impact Man. Boy, do I recommend this book. Beavan set out to see if a) he could live his stated values and b) make a difference as an individual. Which led me to the second question: do I live my stated (if only to myself) values? Yes. And no. And sometimes. Which is problematic, because it seems to imply that my overriding REAL value is convenience. Or reaction. Sort of like saying that when the going gets tough, the tough find a new distraction.

Thinking about the ways my budgeting is going to have to change in about 6 weeks led me to reinvestigate the frugality movement, which I'd been exploring in tandem with the idea of conscious living (and what I then termed conscious sanity). I'd been distracted from that due to my health imbalances last spring, which gave me some more immediate priorities to deal with for a few months. One of my stated values is being independent--including financial independence. Am I living that? Uh, no. In fact, on a scale of 1 - 10, my financial awareness is about a 10, my demonstrated financial competence is around a -10.

Thinking about budgeting includes thinking about health. One of my big weekly expenses is groceries. I spend more on groceries as a single woman than some people budget for a family of four. The question here is whether that's actually unreasonable. I eat low carb, mostly fresh. I've stopped eating organic, though. I don't (yet?) eat locavore, because the closest place to look for local foods is a ten mile drive away, which doesn't defeat the purpose, but it does complicate the execution. One of my stated values is eating healthily, organically, low-impact. Do I live that? Sort of. One way this complicates my life, though, is that it's an expensive way to eat. Granted, there are places I can cut back or change the specifics, and it's probably time to revisit the menu. Actually, moving in December may help, since I'll once more have a kitchen to myself and can break out the crockpot, grow some fresh herbs, and sprout. Maybe experiment with some other things. I'll have room to cure soap again, too! (I love making cold-processed soap...that's the stuff using lye. Can't do it in a crowded living space with kids and cats.)

More on health...and leading into spirit. I'd like a higher level of fitness. Like, comparing a mountain top to flatlands higher. (Literally--I've promised myself a Yule gift of rock climbing lessons at a local climbing gym because I've lost enough weight that it's probably safe. I love hiking and climbing and canoeing and all sorts of outdoor activities that are a) challenging in Florida--note an almost paralyzing fear of most reptiles, for one thing and b) much harder to do at the weight I've been carrying. Speaking of weight...I've lost 45 pounds. I need to do this a couple more times. Now you know. I keep getting stuck because losing weight is relatively boring--I'm now eating "right" (mostly) and I walk frequently, and the rest is time (getting up early enough to go to the gym) and adjusting the food to account for lower calorie requirements and keeping it interesting enough to stick to it when the emotional crap hits and I want chocolate. My stated value? Being healthy and having a strong, flexible body. Rate this around a 2. Used to be worse.

Spirit: I meditate. Not as often or as long as I'd like. I do yoga. Ditto. I don't spend the time doing the kinds of folk-magick-y and shamanistic practices I enjoy because...well, mostly because I get distracted.  Teaching others about them seems to be an inevitable outcome of my practice, although I don't try for the teaching thing. Mostly, people ask and I try to answer. Living this value of an inspired and spirit-filled life? I rate myself somewhere around a one, but that might be me being too hard on myself--I recognize that. But ....

Writing career: wow, I get swamped by the everyday just getting by. And I hate that. I'm in the middle of edits for my "latest"--unsubmitted, as yet--short story. I'm in the middle of revisions for my first--unsubmitted, as yet--novel. I have the next four novels lined up in my head. And the last few months I'm more likely to spend my evening playing Bubble Shooter than writing. Not proud of that, by the way.

I'm playing with the thought of putting some goal bars -- especially as related to getting debt free and self-sufficient, and getting healthy -- in the side bar. What stops me? Okay, here's the stupidest reason of all. People I know read this blog. I mind much less looking like a fool to absolute strangers.

So that's the grand confession--of sorts. Factor number whatever in this coming up is: Saturday's my birthday. Kind of brings up that "what did I do last year" and "what will I do next year" thing. So I think I'll at least post some fast-fact details between now and then, with a short list of big things I'd like to achieve in my pursuit to live a consciously sane life.