"Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." Michael Pollan (In Defense of Food)
One of the precepts Michael Pollan sets forth in the book In Defense of Food is that we shouldn't eat anything our grandmothers wouldn't recognize as food. Michael Pollan may be a few years older than I am, or maybe his grandmothers did more cooking. But the principle makes sense to me.
Over the past several months, I've severely stripped down my diet to a pretty simple one. Just call me the queen of veggies and fish. I rarely eat red meat of any kind, any more, so when I was going through loose pages of recipes downloaded from the internet or torn from magazines or photocopied from library books, I started ditching the ones that had any mammals involved. I figured if I just HAD to make shephard's pie again, I could find the recipe somewhere else. I'll probably switch TVP for the ground beef anyway. Finding out you're about an inch away from doing permanent damage to your body is nothing if not motivating. Forget the adage that "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" and try "nothing is worth going to the hospital for."
It's not like I didn't already know everything I needed to know about how to treat this physical form. I let other people's priorities get in my way, though. I let being busy be an excuse to eat crappy food in the fastest possible way. Does that mean I don't do convenience food anymore? No--sometimes I really am too busy to cook. But McDonald's drive-thru is definitely out. Instead, it's a bundled salad from Publix in an emergency, or (twice in the last six months) chicken tenders and fruit from a chicken place. And I try to make it ONLY an emergency thing--like I'm out all day with no time to heat something up. Used to be I did better at eating fruit than vegetables. Now I feel it if I get fewer than seven veggies a day--usually I get about nine, and one to two servings of orchard fruit or berries. Almost no sugar.
But I do try to keep my head about it. Extremes are so much easier than moderation. So if the urge is overwhelming to have a friend's homemade chocolate chip cookies, I do. Have one. In public. None of it comes home. And I pass it up when it doesn't count. Lunch yesterday was a meeting/catered deal. I ate the chicken and veggies and told the server to not even bring me the dessert. Yes, it looked good (judging from other people's plates) but really, nothing is that good.
I'm trying more and more to embrace Pollan's suggestion. I doubt I'll ever again be a strict vegetarian (I've done it a few times), but I like the feeling of not being driven by cravings, and I find that the more veggies I eat, the more likely it is that I'll be dying for chocolate only about one week out of the month...works for me.
Fresh foods, healthy exercise (walking, yoga, core strengthening) = treating my body sanely instead of insanely. And it makes the outside life match the inside life a little more.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Fiscal Sanity
Here's the goal: financial independence, which to me means the ability to do what I want, when I want, how I want. I discovered a couple of years ago that in a sense, money=power (to me, at least). Not in a power-grab way, but in that when I have plenty of money, I feel like I have options. So I worry less (probably a holdover from a tight-money childhood), and in general things go better. One of my real challenges, though, has been in not spending everything I have due to a perceived lack of "stuff."
I think, though, over the past year, I've changed a lot in terms of how I see that "stuff" and how much is enough of it. Books, though, will probably continue to be my failing....at least from a "don't buy that" perspective. So I've built into my upcoming budget a certain weekly amount for fun that includes books, movies (not that I go to many of those. In fact, I've got a pair of tickets a friend gave me a year ago that I still haven't used).
Looking at my budget through the end of the year, though, I see that while I can certainly pay the bills on time (as long as I stay in my budget and don't think this week's extra cash is really extra instead of committed to something happening two weeks away), accelerating the getting-out-of-debt goal is going to be a challenge. I've set myself a schedule of sorts for accumulating money. It looks something like this: I don't have to pay rent in November (I've been given the opportunity to use this month as a "get ahead" month, because I'm used to paying rent weekly and starting with January--or maybe December--I'll need to go back to paying it at the first of the month.) so I'll build the bank account to pay the November bills (which include two overdue October bills--both of which will actually be paid this Friday), then December's rent and bills, then January and February the same. I figure, if I get that much ahead, I'll be able to pay off one of the smaller debts without worrying that I'm going to put myself short on the rent.
Setting aside my own skepticism re my ability to set aside a month's worth of anything, much less three. Right now, I'm looking at the budget and I can see that at the end of November, based on standard income and outgo, I have enough to pay the December rent if it's the half-month that I assume it will be, and have a touch left in the bank. The challenge then, is that starting in December, I'm about a week's pay ahead on actual "got to pay it now" principles (and this is actually a HUGE improvement), but I'd like to be a month ahead already, because that would be evidence that I'm bringing in enough more than I'm spending to actually make some headway.
More income and less outgo are going to be required. Fortunately I'm spending the better part of the weekend working--some card reading gigs thanks to a wonderful friend who's giving me the opportunity to work with her again, and working in a friend's metaphysical shop on Saturday, filling in for an absent assistant. This is all good and will probably put half of December's bills in the bank by the end of November. A couple of the expenses I've anticipated for November will be at least partially reimbursed. Also good. Crossing my fingers I haven't forgotten anything. Friends and family will be getting my love and maybe a short story for Yule gifts. No cookies this year, probably, or anything else material while I pay attention to other priorities. There is some additional extra income coming along, just not sure the amount or the exact days, but it's already committed thanks to the handy list I've made of financial priorities for this next year. Hopefully by the end of December, these extras will actually have me up to that point where I'm paying next month's bills out of this month's money.
I did a lot over the past twelve months to bring my outer life in alignment with my inner life. The next twelve will bring even more into alignment, so if nothing else, I'll enjoy looking back a year from now to see how things have changed.
I think, though, over the past year, I've changed a lot in terms of how I see that "stuff" and how much is enough of it. Books, though, will probably continue to be my failing....at least from a "don't buy that" perspective. So I've built into my upcoming budget a certain weekly amount for fun that includes books, movies (not that I go to many of those. In fact, I've got a pair of tickets a friend gave me a year ago that I still haven't used).
Looking at my budget through the end of the year, though, I see that while I can certainly pay the bills on time (as long as I stay in my budget and don't think this week's extra cash is really extra instead of committed to something happening two weeks away), accelerating the getting-out-of-debt goal is going to be a challenge. I've set myself a schedule of sorts for accumulating money. It looks something like this: I don't have to pay rent in November (I've been given the opportunity to use this month as a "get ahead" month, because I'm used to paying rent weekly and starting with January--or maybe December--I'll need to go back to paying it at the first of the month.) so I'll build the bank account to pay the November bills (which include two overdue October bills--both of which will actually be paid this Friday), then December's rent and bills, then January and February the same. I figure, if I get that much ahead, I'll be able to pay off one of the smaller debts without worrying that I'm going to put myself short on the rent.
Setting aside my own skepticism re my ability to set aside a month's worth of anything, much less three. Right now, I'm looking at the budget and I can see that at the end of November, based on standard income and outgo, I have enough to pay the December rent if it's the half-month that I assume it will be, and have a touch left in the bank. The challenge then, is that starting in December, I'm about a week's pay ahead on actual "got to pay it now" principles (and this is actually a HUGE improvement), but I'd like to be a month ahead already, because that would be evidence that I'm bringing in enough more than I'm spending to actually make some headway.
More income and less outgo are going to be required. Fortunately I'm spending the better part of the weekend working--some card reading gigs thanks to a wonderful friend who's giving me the opportunity to work with her again, and working in a friend's metaphysical shop on Saturday, filling in for an absent assistant. This is all good and will probably put half of December's bills in the bank by the end of November. A couple of the expenses I've anticipated for November will be at least partially reimbursed. Also good. Crossing my fingers I haven't forgotten anything. Friends and family will be getting my love and maybe a short story for Yule gifts. No cookies this year, probably, or anything else material while I pay attention to other priorities. There is some additional extra income coming along, just not sure the amount or the exact days, but it's already committed thanks to the handy list I've made of financial priorities for this next year. Hopefully by the end of December, these extras will actually have me up to that point where I'm paying next month's bills out of this month's money.
I did a lot over the past twelve months to bring my outer life in alignment with my inner life. The next twelve will bring even more into alignment, so if nothing else, I'll enjoy looking back a year from now to see how things have changed.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
More on what I'm doing here....
I've been thinking today about several of the blogs I sporadically follow. Incurably curious as I am, I find the Internet to be endlessly fascinating in the amount of information it's possible to access, so "sporadically" is pretty typical of my browsing habits....so maybe I'm hitting the wrong sites, but here's what I noticed: 99.9% (or maybe 100%--I certainly can't think of any exceptions now) of the blogs and websites I see are very focused. Money. Weight loss. Goal achieving. Simplicity. Spirituality.
I want all these things. Health. Fitness (physical and financial). A spirit-based life. And so on. Having chosen to communicate publicly about the journey, is there a reason I should limit myself to one aspect of it? Is it confusing to talk about the challenges and victories of all of it? And if not, why isn't anyone doing it? Or am I just missing something?
Or is there a way to organize the discussion so it makes some sense to someone besides me (and thus becomes more than a navel-gazing exercise)? Do I blog Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday on spiritual matters; Tuesday on financial sanity; Thursday on physical sanity; Saturday on all of it coming together? (Hey, actually, maybe that works....). Because that's the thing--I didn't start the blog to just randomly blather on about my life--I started it to hold myself accountable to myself, and maybe interact with some other people practicing their own style of sanity. And if ALL I focus on is meditation, and not on the growth I experience in other areas; or if ALL I focus on is my health, or ALL I focus on are my finances....at any point I'm focusing on only a portion of what conscious sanity/conscious living is--because to me (yours may be different) sanity comes from integrating all these parts of my life into a conscious whole.
I want all these things. Health. Fitness (physical and financial). A spirit-based life. And so on. Having chosen to communicate publicly about the journey, is there a reason I should limit myself to one aspect of it? Is it confusing to talk about the challenges and victories of all of it? And if not, why isn't anyone doing it? Or am I just missing something?
Or is there a way to organize the discussion so it makes some sense to someone besides me (and thus becomes more than a navel-gazing exercise)? Do I blog Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday on spiritual matters; Tuesday on financial sanity; Thursday on physical sanity; Saturday on all of it coming together? (Hey, actually, maybe that works....). Because that's the thing--I didn't start the blog to just randomly blather on about my life--I started it to hold myself accountable to myself, and maybe interact with some other people practicing their own style of sanity. And if ALL I focus on is meditation, and not on the growth I experience in other areas; or if ALL I focus on is my health, or ALL I focus on are my finances....at any point I'm focusing on only a portion of what conscious sanity/conscious living is--because to me (yours may be different) sanity comes from integrating all these parts of my life into a conscious whole.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Juggling, goals, and other "stuff"
Work, life...I let my priorities shift several times this year, including this past week. Actually, including several times this past month. Then some things came up that gave me reason to think--hard--about what I'm doing here. They're all kind of twisted together, so bear with me while I unwind them a bit.
I just finished reading Seth Godin's Tribes, a book about taking what you're passionate about, and leading. I read a quote somewhere recently from someone I can't remember (my apologies to the originator) that went something like: Imagine that everyone in the world was following your lead. Would you like where you were leading them? Answer: not really.
I also just finished (today) reading Colin Beavan's No Impact Man. Boy, do I recommend this book. Beavan set out to see if a) he could live his stated values and b) make a difference as an individual. Which led me to the second question: do I live my stated (if only to myself) values? Yes. And no. And sometimes. Which is problematic, because it seems to imply that my overriding REAL value is convenience. Or reaction. Sort of like saying that when the going gets tough, the tough find a new distraction.
Thinking about the ways my budgeting is going to have to change in about 6 weeks led me to reinvestigate the frugality movement, which I'd been exploring in tandem with the idea of conscious living (and what I then termed conscious sanity). I'd been distracted from that due to my health imbalances last spring, which gave me some more immediate priorities to deal with for a few months. One of my stated values is being independent--including financial independence. Am I living that? Uh, no. In fact, on a scale of 1 - 10, my financial awareness is about a 10, my demonstrated financial competence is around a -10.
Thinking about budgeting includes thinking about health. One of my big weekly expenses is groceries. I spend more on groceries as a single woman than some people budget for a family of four. The question here is whether that's actually unreasonable. I eat low carb, mostly fresh. I've stopped eating organic, though. I don't (yet?) eat locavore, because the closest place to look for local foods is a ten mile drive away, which doesn't defeat the purpose, but it does complicate the execution. One of my stated values is eating healthily, organically, low-impact. Do I live that? Sort of. One way this complicates my life, though, is that it's an expensive way to eat. Granted, there are places I can cut back or change the specifics, and it's probably time to revisit the menu. Actually, moving in December may help, since I'll once more have a kitchen to myself and can break out the crockpot, grow some fresh herbs, and sprout. Maybe experiment with some other things. I'll have room to cure soap again, too! (I love making cold-processed soap...that's the stuff using lye. Can't do it in a crowded living space with kids and cats.)
More on health...and leading into spirit. I'd like a higher level of fitness. Like, comparing a mountain top to flatlands higher. (Literally--I've promised myself a Yule gift of rock climbing lessons at a local climbing gym because I've lost enough weight that it's probably safe. I love hiking and climbing and canoeing and all sorts of outdoor activities that are a) challenging in Florida--note an almost paralyzing fear of most reptiles, for one thing and b) much harder to do at the weight I've been carrying. Speaking of weight...I've lost 45 pounds. I need to do this a couple more times. Now you know. I keep getting stuck because losing weight is relatively boring--I'm now eating "right" (mostly) and I walk frequently, and the rest is time (getting up early enough to go to the gym) and adjusting the food to account for lower calorie requirements and keeping it interesting enough to stick to it when the emotional crap hits and I want chocolate. My stated value? Being healthy and having a strong, flexible body. Rate this around a 2. Used to be worse.
Spirit: I meditate. Not as often or as long as I'd like. I do yoga. Ditto. I don't spend the time doing the kinds of folk-magick-y and shamanistic practices I enjoy because...well, mostly because I get distracted. Teaching others about them seems to be an inevitable outcome of my practice, although I don't try for the teaching thing. Mostly, people ask and I try to answer. Living this value of an inspired and spirit-filled life? I rate myself somewhere around a one, but that might be me being too hard on myself--I recognize that. But ....
Writing career: wow, I get swamped by the everyday just getting by. And I hate that. I'm in the middle of edits for my "latest"--unsubmitted, as yet--short story. I'm in the middle of revisions for my first--unsubmitted, as yet--novel. I have the next four novels lined up in my head. And the last few months I'm more likely to spend my evening playing Bubble Shooter than writing. Not proud of that, by the way.
I'm playing with the thought of putting some goal bars -- especially as related to getting debt free and self-sufficient, and getting healthy -- in the side bar. What stops me? Okay, here's the stupidest reason of all. People I know read this blog. I mind much less looking like a fool to absolute strangers.
So that's the grand confession--of sorts. Factor number whatever in this coming up is: Saturday's my birthday. Kind of brings up that "what did I do last year" and "what will I do next year" thing. So I think I'll at least post some fast-fact details between now and then, with a short list of big things I'd like to achieve in my pursuit to live a consciously sane life.
I just finished reading Seth Godin's Tribes, a book about taking what you're passionate about, and leading. I read a quote somewhere recently from someone I can't remember (my apologies to the originator) that went something like: Imagine that everyone in the world was following your lead. Would you like where you were leading them? Answer: not really.
I also just finished (today) reading Colin Beavan's No Impact Man. Boy, do I recommend this book. Beavan set out to see if a) he could live his stated values and b) make a difference as an individual. Which led me to the second question: do I live my stated (if only to myself) values? Yes. And no. And sometimes. Which is problematic, because it seems to imply that my overriding REAL value is convenience. Or reaction. Sort of like saying that when the going gets tough, the tough find a new distraction.
Thinking about the ways my budgeting is going to have to change in about 6 weeks led me to reinvestigate the frugality movement, which I'd been exploring in tandem with the idea of conscious living (and what I then termed conscious sanity). I'd been distracted from that due to my health imbalances last spring, which gave me some more immediate priorities to deal with for a few months. One of my stated values is being independent--including financial independence. Am I living that? Uh, no. In fact, on a scale of 1 - 10, my financial awareness is about a 10, my demonstrated financial competence is around a -10.
Thinking about budgeting includes thinking about health. One of my big weekly expenses is groceries. I spend more on groceries as a single woman than some people budget for a family of four. The question here is whether that's actually unreasonable. I eat low carb, mostly fresh. I've stopped eating organic, though. I don't (yet?) eat locavore, because the closest place to look for local foods is a ten mile drive away, which doesn't defeat the purpose, but it does complicate the execution. One of my stated values is eating healthily, organically, low-impact. Do I live that? Sort of. One way this complicates my life, though, is that it's an expensive way to eat. Granted, there are places I can cut back or change the specifics, and it's probably time to revisit the menu. Actually, moving in December may help, since I'll once more have a kitchen to myself and can break out the crockpot, grow some fresh herbs, and sprout. Maybe experiment with some other things. I'll have room to cure soap again, too! (I love making cold-processed soap...that's the stuff using lye. Can't do it in a crowded living space with kids and cats.)
More on health...and leading into spirit. I'd like a higher level of fitness. Like, comparing a mountain top to flatlands higher. (Literally--I've promised myself a Yule gift of rock climbing lessons at a local climbing gym because I've lost enough weight that it's probably safe. I love hiking and climbing and canoeing and all sorts of outdoor activities that are a) challenging in Florida--note an almost paralyzing fear of most reptiles, for one thing and b) much harder to do at the weight I've been carrying. Speaking of weight...I've lost 45 pounds. I need to do this a couple more times. Now you know. I keep getting stuck because losing weight is relatively boring--I'm now eating "right" (mostly) and I walk frequently, and the rest is time (getting up early enough to go to the gym) and adjusting the food to account for lower calorie requirements and keeping it interesting enough to stick to it when the emotional crap hits and I want chocolate. My stated value? Being healthy and having a strong, flexible body. Rate this around a 2. Used to be worse.
Spirit: I meditate. Not as often or as long as I'd like. I do yoga. Ditto. I don't spend the time doing the kinds of folk-magick-y and shamanistic practices I enjoy because...well, mostly because I get distracted. Teaching others about them seems to be an inevitable outcome of my practice, although I don't try for the teaching thing. Mostly, people ask and I try to answer. Living this value of an inspired and spirit-filled life? I rate myself somewhere around a one, but that might be me being too hard on myself--I recognize that. But ....
Writing career: wow, I get swamped by the everyday just getting by. And I hate that. I'm in the middle of edits for my "latest"--unsubmitted, as yet--short story. I'm in the middle of revisions for my first--unsubmitted, as yet--novel. I have the next four novels lined up in my head. And the last few months I'm more likely to spend my evening playing Bubble Shooter than writing. Not proud of that, by the way.
I'm playing with the thought of putting some goal bars -- especially as related to getting debt free and self-sufficient, and getting healthy -- in the side bar. What stops me? Okay, here's the stupidest reason of all. People I know read this blog. I mind much less looking like a fool to absolute strangers.
So that's the grand confession--of sorts. Factor number whatever in this coming up is: Saturday's my birthday. Kind of brings up that "what did I do last year" and "what will I do next year" thing. So I think I'll at least post some fast-fact details between now and then, with a short list of big things I'd like to achieve in my pursuit to live a consciously sane life.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Be present
"...happy people...don't make taking care of themselves or taking care of their families something they have to get over with so they can get to the good stuff. Instead, they insist that this moment, whatever it is, is the good stuff." Colin Beavan, No Impact Man
"We're too busy becoming...to be." Dreamtrybe
And finally, off the top of my head, from Seth Godin's blog yesterday "Sometimes, the work is the work and the goal isn't to top what you did yesterday. Doing justice to the work is your task, not setting a world record."
I wonder how much time is wasted rushing through to get to "the good stuff." I don't mean as in "a stitch in time saves nine" time wasting, I mean as in...this is my life. Every moment, I'm living my life. How much of my own life do I miss trying to get somewhere else?
"We're too busy becoming...to be." Dreamtrybe
And finally, off the top of my head, from Seth Godin's blog yesterday "Sometimes, the work is the work and the goal isn't to top what you did yesterday. Doing justice to the work is your task, not setting a world record."
I wonder how much time is wasted rushing through to get to "the good stuff." I don't mean as in "a stitch in time saves nine" time wasting, I mean as in...this is my life. Every moment, I'm living my life. How much of my own life do I miss trying to get somewhere else?
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Surrender
"You don't have to want to; you just have to be willing." Cheri Huber, on the habit of sitting (zazen).
I'm trying that with surrender. I must like being in control (or thinking I am) because it's sure difficult for me to let go and let someone/thing bigger than me be in charge.
"Thy will be done." What a supreme act of faith that is. To say to Source, you know, I've been trying, and it's working, but only a little, so how about if I shut up and listen this time. You tell me what's really going on, and I'll bring myself into alignment with that.
In other words, surrender. Go with the flow. I don't think it's the same as becoming a victim of fate, although certainly it seems that way in some people. "It was God's will that the car hit me." Well, maybe, but did you consider she might have rather you stayed in the crosswalk and looked both ways before you went for it?
On the other hand, I've been there--often--when it felt like Source was dropping bricks on my head to get my attention--that no matter what I did, it wasn't enough. And at some point, I think you have to ask yourself whether you took a wrong turn someplace. Downstream--with the flow--is a lot easier than upstream.
So I'm looking at some more things in my life and thinking that while they seemed like a good idea at the time, maybe it's time to ask someone bigger than me what they think.
I'm listening.
I'm trying that with surrender. I must like being in control (or thinking I am) because it's sure difficult for me to let go and let someone/thing bigger than me be in charge.
"Thy will be done." What a supreme act of faith that is. To say to Source, you know, I've been trying, and it's working, but only a little, so how about if I shut up and listen this time. You tell me what's really going on, and I'll bring myself into alignment with that.
In other words, surrender. Go with the flow. I don't think it's the same as becoming a victim of fate, although certainly it seems that way in some people. "It was God's will that the car hit me." Well, maybe, but did you consider she might have rather you stayed in the crosswalk and looked both ways before you went for it?
On the other hand, I've been there--often--when it felt like Source was dropping bricks on my head to get my attention--that no matter what I did, it wasn't enough. And at some point, I think you have to ask yourself whether you took a wrong turn someplace. Downstream--with the flow--is a lot easier than upstream.
So I'm looking at some more things in my life and thinking that while they seemed like a good idea at the time, maybe it's time to ask someone bigger than me what they think.
I'm listening.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
General silliness
I"m not feeling very spiritual today. Frantic, stressed...more accurate descriptions right now. Caught in the whirlwind of trying to get everything done that needs to be done (never mind what I want to be done), even feeling anxious about needing to find time to read! I have a stack of reasearch books, a stack of non-fiction that looked interesting, several books on spiritual growth and a half dozen or so novels I'd like to find time to relax with.
If I had time to think about it, I'd think it was the silliest problem I'd ever heard about. The reading. Not the rest of it, "it" in this case just being a lot of stuff going on that spiritually and mentally I know the remnants of some shifting patterns, but emotionally is one big test in trusting the universe.
So I haven't wanted to post, because somewhere along the line I created the idea that reallly, why bother if you're not going to be perfect every day? You know, like everyone else is. Of course I'm not perfect, but more importantly, I'd forgotten that the whole point is to bring attention to the changes in my life I'm making, the manifestation of the change in focus. It's not like I woke up one morning to this new world full of spirit and well-being that I'd never known existed--I've spent decades wondering why the hell I wasn't getting my act together and incorporating all the things I knew into a lifestyle that worked for me (the old one clearly wasn't working). Not that it's an excuse, falling back into old habits of pessimism and worry and looking for the easy way out (darn that magick wand for not working the way they promised). But it is a reminder.
This morning on the cushion, my brain wouldn't shut up. It might have been the shortest meditation on record. Some of the things pushing at the edges of my consciousness are steps I'm not quite ready to take, but one thing I realized (and this time I mean it): if I keep trying what I already know doesn't work, that's just stupid. And what's the line I heard recently? "Don't get stuck on stupid"? So it seems kind of silly to worry about making the changes that I know will work, just because a part of me is still worried about whether I'm living up to other people's expectations instead of my own.
If I had time to think about it, I'd think it was the silliest problem I'd ever heard about. The reading. Not the rest of it, "it" in this case just being a lot of stuff going on that spiritually and mentally I know the remnants of some shifting patterns, but emotionally is one big test in trusting the universe.
So I haven't wanted to post, because somewhere along the line I created the idea that reallly, why bother if you're not going to be perfect every day? You know, like everyone else is. Of course I'm not perfect, but more importantly, I'd forgotten that the whole point is to bring attention to the changes in my life I'm making, the manifestation of the change in focus. It's not like I woke up one morning to this new world full of spirit and well-being that I'd never known existed--I've spent decades wondering why the hell I wasn't getting my act together and incorporating all the things I knew into a lifestyle that worked for me (the old one clearly wasn't working). Not that it's an excuse, falling back into old habits of pessimism and worry and looking for the easy way out (darn that magick wand for not working the way they promised). But it is a reminder.
This morning on the cushion, my brain wouldn't shut up. It might have been the shortest meditation on record. Some of the things pushing at the edges of my consciousness are steps I'm not quite ready to take, but one thing I realized (and this time I mean it): if I keep trying what I already know doesn't work, that's just stupid. And what's the line I heard recently? "Don't get stuck on stupid"? So it seems kind of silly to worry about making the changes that I know will work, just because a part of me is still worried about whether I'm living up to other people's expectations instead of my own.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Live to be criticized?
Here's an interesting bit from Seth Godin's latest book, Tribes. Tribes is a book on leadership, and on page 48, Seth says this:
"The lesson here is this: if I had written a boring book, there'd be no criticism. No conversation. The products and services that get talked about are the ones worth talking about....[ask yourself] 'If I get criticized for this, will I suffer any measurable impact? ....' If the only side effect of the criticism is that you will feel bad about the criticism, then you have to copare that bad feeling with the benefits you'll get from actually doing something worth doing....Feeling bad wears off."
If we spend our time worrying about what other people think about what we're doing, instead of doing what we're passionate about, we lose the chance (or at least delay the chance) to do something amazing. Write the novel of your heart (write it well, of course--we're not talking about the kind of criticism that comes with doing things poorly, I think), write an opera. Create art, poetry, an organization that feeds the hungry and clothes the poor. The people who 'get it' are the ones you want to have 'get it', but there won't be anything worth getting if you don't move.
"The lesson here is this: if I had written a boring book, there'd be no criticism. No conversation. The products and services that get talked about are the ones worth talking about....[ask yourself] 'If I get criticized for this, will I suffer any measurable impact? ....' If the only side effect of the criticism is that you will feel bad about the criticism, then you have to copare that bad feeling with the benefits you'll get from actually doing something worth doing....Feeling bad wears off."
If we spend our time worrying about what other people think about what we're doing, instead of doing what we're passionate about, we lose the chance (or at least delay the chance) to do something amazing. Write the novel of your heart (write it well, of course--we're not talking about the kind of criticism that comes with doing things poorly, I think), write an opera. Create art, poetry, an organization that feeds the hungry and clothes the poor. The people who 'get it' are the ones you want to have 'get it', but there won't be anything worth getting if you don't move.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
It feels good
A friend made this suggestion the other day: preface positive statements with "It feels so good to...."
It feels so good to have everything I need.
It feels so good to live the life of my dreams.
This week...it feels so good to drive a perfectly functioning car. It feels so good to be centered.
If it's true that we attract according to the vibrations we're putting out, then positive statements as often as possible would seem to be the thing to do. We get "stuck," though, when we are focused on the negatives of our situation: fear that the car is going to break down. Fear that it's taking too long to do what needs to be done. Fear that we'll never accomplish....
When we can remember that it feels good to (name something), we move the energy the right direction. We've all had those moments--no matter how we feel now, there's been that time when we had enough money, enough time, enough energy, enough love, enough passion...it feels good to remember feeling good.
It feels so good to have everything I need.
It feels so good to live the life of my dreams.
This week...it feels so good to drive a perfectly functioning car. It feels so good to be centered.
If it's true that we attract according to the vibrations we're putting out, then positive statements as often as possible would seem to be the thing to do. We get "stuck," though, when we are focused on the negatives of our situation: fear that the car is going to break down. Fear that it's taking too long to do what needs to be done. Fear that we'll never accomplish....
When we can remember that it feels good to (name something), we move the energy the right direction. We've all had those moments--no matter how we feel now, there's been that time when we had enough money, enough time, enough energy, enough love, enough passion...it feels good to remember feeling good.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Word for the day: breathe
"When you're ass-deep in alligators, it's hard to remember you came to drain the swamp."
Monday, October 12, 2009
Meditation, and something my mom doesn't know about me
My mother reads pretty much anything I write for public consumption, so it will probably surprise her to see this. Don't worry, mom, it's good.
When I was a kid, maybe six or seven years old, we lived in a house on a busy highway--or as busy as a highway can be in rural Missouri. And we had early bedtimes. So it wasn't unheard of to be hitting the sack while there was still a busy world outside--and light, too, at least in summer.
It was here that I first learned to meditate. Unlike early bedtimes, meditation was unheard of, but that didn't stop me. Not that I knew that was what I was doing--I was just trying to fall asleep. In the process, I created a technique I use to this day to center myself, slow my mind, and focus, even when I don't "have time" to meditate.
Notice how quiet it is where you are. No, the computer humming doesn't count. Move closer. There is a zone of stillness reaching out from your skin. It might be only a couple of inches, but it's there--not just silence, but stillness. Now, make it bigger, maybe three inches. Now, six.
In the midst of a hectic day, you can recognize the zone of stillness that is around you at all times, and use that focus to quiet the chatter, the better to listen to what's really important.
When I was a kid, maybe six or seven years old, we lived in a house on a busy highway--or as busy as a highway can be in rural Missouri. And we had early bedtimes. So it wasn't unheard of to be hitting the sack while there was still a busy world outside--and light, too, at least in summer.
It was here that I first learned to meditate. Unlike early bedtimes, meditation was unheard of, but that didn't stop me. Not that I knew that was what I was doing--I was just trying to fall asleep. In the process, I created a technique I use to this day to center myself, slow my mind, and focus, even when I don't "have time" to meditate.
Notice how quiet it is where you are. No, the computer humming doesn't count. Move closer. There is a zone of stillness reaching out from your skin. It might be only a couple of inches, but it's there--not just silence, but stillness. Now, make it bigger, maybe three inches. Now, six.
In the midst of a hectic day, you can recognize the zone of stillness that is around you at all times, and use that focus to quiet the chatter, the better to listen to what's really important.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Meditation cycles
Last night, someone raised an interesting question about the thoughts that come up during meditation. In essence, he wanted to know what thoughts are worth pursuing, or do we dismiss them all as chatter.
Meditation is a cycle. We breathe, clearing the mind, so that the parts of ourselves we've been hiding can surface. Insight meditation (vipassana) is where/how we explore those hidden parts...clearing them, and then we return to a clear center.
Meditation is a cycle. We breathe, clearing the mind, so that the parts of ourselves we've been hiding can surface. Insight meditation (vipassana) is where/how we explore those hidden parts...clearing them, and then we return to a clear center.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
This meditation thing
Random moment: it's raining, with thunder. It's a beautiful sound. Kind of makes up for the 100-degree-plus heat index we've been enjoying this week. And yes, it's October.
Which brings me to my point. Sitting in meditation tonight, I would just begin to relax into the moment, appreciating the music, slowing my breath and my thoughts, and...boom. No, not the thunder. The mental chatter. Random thoughts with less than no meaning. Even though I know this is what it's about, it ticks me off. Years of meditation practice, and I can't sit through a 45-minute meditation with a quiet mind. Never mind that most of the time, I do. Most of the time, I use the time to explore what needs exploring, without covering it up. I breathe, or I delve--whatever is needed. Tonight, my anxiety level is higher than it should be--backlash from the good space I've been standing in while everything is shifting.
I'm not perfect. I guess I needed the reminder.
Coincidentally, our pre-meditation circle question from Karen was--how do you deal with the monkey mind? I breathe, I said. Or I focus on how quiet it is in the space around my body. And that's what I did tonight. Kept coming back to it, to the conscious breath, to the quiet, away from the "what if" and "what's next" flooding my mind. In a sense, this was monkey mind at its finest--not so much random (like the "did I turn off the stove" questions) as it was a parade of things that I'm anxious about. There's a lot going on, and I've been spending enough time worrying in waking life that you'd think I could give it up for an hour.
And I'm reminded again of Pema Chodron's remark that we do not meditate in order to be good at meditating. We meditate to become more aware in our lives.
“There’s nowhere to go on this path. There’s nothing to accomplish. The moment you move into your heart of compassion, you are there. And you don’t have to be a perfect person to do that. You can simply be present to whatever you are, moment by moment by moment. You don’t have to understand, you don’t have to be bright or clever, you don’t have to know a single thing about Buddhism. Whatever happens, embrace it in compassion, and let go of everything else.” Cheri Huber, in Sara Jenkins' "This Side of Nirvana."
This is the 'greater vehicle' of Buddhist tradition--the realization that meditation, daily life....it's all one thing. We don't have to move into a monastery to meditate. It's right in front of us--everything in life is better for being brought up into the meditation room, even the worries. Even the chatter.
Sometimes, it's good to get a reminder of that.
Which brings me to my point. Sitting in meditation tonight, I would just begin to relax into the moment, appreciating the music, slowing my breath and my thoughts, and...boom. No, not the thunder. The mental chatter. Random thoughts with less than no meaning. Even though I know this is what it's about, it ticks me off. Years of meditation practice, and I can't sit through a 45-minute meditation with a quiet mind. Never mind that most of the time, I do. Most of the time, I use the time to explore what needs exploring, without covering it up. I breathe, or I delve--whatever is needed. Tonight, my anxiety level is higher than it should be--backlash from the good space I've been standing in while everything is shifting.
I'm not perfect. I guess I needed the reminder.
Coincidentally, our pre-meditation circle question from Karen was--how do you deal with the monkey mind? I breathe, I said. Or I focus on how quiet it is in the space around my body. And that's what I did tonight. Kept coming back to it, to the conscious breath, to the quiet, away from the "what if" and "what's next" flooding my mind. In a sense, this was monkey mind at its finest--not so much random (like the "did I turn off the stove" questions) as it was a parade of things that I'm anxious about. There's a lot going on, and I've been spending enough time worrying in waking life that you'd think I could give it up for an hour.
And I'm reminded again of Pema Chodron's remark that we do not meditate in order to be good at meditating. We meditate to become more aware in our lives.
“There’s nowhere to go on this path. There’s nothing to accomplish. The moment you move into your heart of compassion, you are there. And you don’t have to be a perfect person to do that. You can simply be present to whatever you are, moment by moment by moment. You don’t have to understand, you don’t have to be bright or clever, you don’t have to know a single thing about Buddhism. Whatever happens, embrace it in compassion, and let go of everything else.” Cheri Huber, in Sara Jenkins' "This Side of Nirvana."
This is the 'greater vehicle' of Buddhist tradition--the realization that meditation, daily life....it's all one thing. We don't have to move into a monastery to meditate. It's right in front of us--everything in life is better for being brought up into the meditation room, even the worries. Even the chatter.
Sometimes, it's good to get a reminder of that.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Directionals...
Sometimes, the energy just flies. We're suddenly in the right place at the right time with the right people, and either things start falling into place, or the messages are coming so fast and furious, we can't ignore them.
I try to think of them--the messages--as nudges from the universe, keeping me in the right direction. When we are aware, we're more aware of the events in our life as messages, instead of just random occurrences and "oh, isn't that weird" moments. The people who can help us (or whom we can help), the places we should be or the things we should be doing. At some point, even trying to be unaware becomes impossible--even if it isn't entirely clear what steps to take next.
Today's universal "to do" list seems to include the following possibilities: free-lance editing for fiction writers (this is one message I'm getting a lot--just trying to work out the "who would pay me for this" part), recording meditations and guided journeys for CD or download, writing metaphysical romance...okay, that one strikes me as strange, but people keep telling me they'd buy that book. I think I 'sold' five copies today alone.
Looking now for the "how to" messages that will move me forward in one direction or another, staying open and allowing (instead of my fear of "but who would pay me for that" closing me down).
I try to think of them--the messages--as nudges from the universe, keeping me in the right direction. When we are aware, we're more aware of the events in our life as messages, instead of just random occurrences and "oh, isn't that weird" moments. The people who can help us (or whom we can help), the places we should be or the things we should be doing. At some point, even trying to be unaware becomes impossible--even if it isn't entirely clear what steps to take next.
Today's universal "to do" list seems to include the following possibilities: free-lance editing for fiction writers (this is one message I'm getting a lot--just trying to work out the "who would pay me for this" part), recording meditations and guided journeys for CD or download, writing metaphysical romance...okay, that one strikes me as strange, but people keep telling me they'd buy that book. I think I 'sold' five copies today alone.
Looking now for the "how to" messages that will move me forward in one direction or another, staying open and allowing (instead of my fear of "but who would pay me for that" closing me down).
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Synchronicity part 'oh my god and goddess'
Today I ran into someone in a very crowded room (Southern Women's Show) doing something very interesting (energy work). The hemi-sync CDs caught my eye, since my favorite journeying CD is The Shaman's Heart. So I stopped to talk, ran into this guy, chatted a few seconds (a very few) and went on my way.
Tonight when I got home, I pulled out his business card and looked up the website of his organization. Went to the "about us" information and ... found that he and his partner in the organization are both members of a group I belong to. I've heard her name a dozen times, seen some emails from her, probably have seen some emails from him without noticing the name (since I'd never met either in person, but her name had come up in some discussions). And here we were. Crowded room. Chance turn down the right aisle. Wow.
Going with the synchronicity on this one. No idea why we needed to meet, or what will come of it. I've been putting the energy out there to meet more people doing the same type of energy work that I'm doing, and the same journeying work. Rarely do I meet anyone who's doing both, so that alone is tres cool. I love it when a step in the right direction pops up in front of me.
Tonight when I got home, I pulled out his business card and looked up the website of his organization. Went to the "about us" information and ... found that he and his partner in the organization are both members of a group I belong to. I've heard her name a dozen times, seen some emails from her, probably have seen some emails from him without noticing the name (since I'd never met either in person, but her name had come up in some discussions). And here we were. Crowded room. Chance turn down the right aisle. Wow.
Going with the synchronicity on this one. No idea why we needed to meet, or what will come of it. I've been putting the energy out there to meet more people doing the same type of energy work that I'm doing, and the same journeying work. Rarely do I meet anyone who's doing both, so that alone is tres cool. I love it when a step in the right direction pops up in front of me.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Letting go ... again.
If you can't be replaced you can't be promoted.
If you hold on to who you were/are, you can't become what you're meant to be. Or, as I saw TWICE this week (in various ways): from Joe Dispenza: "Only when you are able to break the habit ofbeing yourself can a new self emerge." and from Wayne Dyer: (paraphrased) "If you hold on to what you've always done and been, you're arguing against your own personal growth."
Huh. When you put it that way...
It is, in a nutshell, one of my two greatest challenges. I am not so good at the letting go thing. I guess what I'm really looking for is the new to replace the old in such a way that I don't even notice the old is gone. Too bad it doesn't actually work that way.
On the other hand, it's all well and good to say I need to let go of the person I used to be (and knowing I'm really not that person...none of us are. Sometimes growth happens whether we plan it or not. We learn, we do, we experience, and it all change us.). It's a whole 'nother thing to actually consciously let go of things I'm unconsciously holding onto. Pizza, for example. Actually a good example, because it's possible that pizza is my most favorite food. And I don't eat it any more. But of all the stupid, stupid things...sometimes it pisses me off that I can't. Yes, it was a choice...more or less. The other option is so far worse that it wasn't much of a choice. Letting go of relationships/friendships/family ties...oh, those can hurt, even when you know you're doing the right thing. Especially--and I've seen friends go through exactly this--when you quit being the person everyone can rely on so that you can become the person YOU can rely on.
Sometimes personal growth hurts. But think of it like the hurt of a massage...it's gonna feel SOOOOO good later.
If you hold on to who you were/are, you can't become what you're meant to be. Or, as I saw TWICE this week (in various ways): from Joe Dispenza: "Only when you are able to break the habit ofbeing yourself can a new self emerge." and from Wayne Dyer: (paraphrased) "If you hold on to what you've always done and been, you're arguing against your own personal growth."
Huh. When you put it that way...
It is, in a nutshell, one of my two greatest challenges. I am not so good at the letting go thing. I guess what I'm really looking for is the new to replace the old in such a way that I don't even notice the old is gone. Too bad it doesn't actually work that way.
On the other hand, it's all well and good to say I need to let go of the person I used to be (and knowing I'm really not that person...none of us are. Sometimes growth happens whether we plan it or not. We learn, we do, we experience, and it all change us.). It's a whole 'nother thing to actually consciously let go of things I'm unconsciously holding onto. Pizza, for example. Actually a good example, because it's possible that pizza is my most favorite food. And I don't eat it any more. But of all the stupid, stupid things...sometimes it pisses me off that I can't. Yes, it was a choice...more or less. The other option is so far worse that it wasn't much of a choice. Letting go of relationships/friendships/family ties...oh, those can hurt, even when you know you're doing the right thing. Especially--and I've seen friends go through exactly this--when you quit being the person everyone can rely on so that you can become the person YOU can rely on.
Sometimes personal growth hurts. But think of it like the hurt of a massage...it's gonna feel SOOOOO good later.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Making out with life
There are days, I told a friend recently, when all you really want is for someone to kiss it and make it all better.
Wonder if that would work?
Several months ago, Danielle LaPorte posted "French kiss life," which struck me as a great idea. Of course, there are those French kisses that seemed like a good idea at the time, but turned out...icky. I suppose the same could be said of French kissing life.
But on the other hand, it could turn out to be a turn-on like you'd have never imagined if you'd stuck to just pecking it on the cheek and suggesting it have a good day.
Wonder if that would work?
Several months ago, Danielle LaPorte posted "French kiss life," which struck me as a great idea. Of course, there are those French kisses that seemed like a good idea at the time, but turned out...icky. I suppose the same could be said of French kissing life.
But on the other hand, it could turn out to be a turn-on like you'd have never imagined if you'd stuck to just pecking it on the cheek and suggesting it have a good day.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Back to those shifting sands...
"Discipline is remembering what you want." Great reminder. I might add that discipline is what keeps us on our feet when remembering what we want is NOT the first thing we're remembering.
Meditation and prayer are among the tools we use to build the base to remember from. When life doesn't go according to plan--or we can't see how life is fitting into our plan--the focus and flexibility we've built by sitting on the cushion keeps us grounded and remembering not our goals, or "what we want," but remembering our authentic self--that part of us that is beyond ego, beyond fear.
Disclaimer: I really don't care for the word 'authentic'--I think it's way overused, but in this case, it fits. Our authentic self is the Self that we reach for--the bigger Self, connected to all the other Selfs (spelling deliberate)--when we get rid of the clutter and judgment and interpretation that is often present in our thoughts.
It's easy to remember that Self when we're on the cushion. It's easy to pray and give thanks when things are going according to plan. I highly recommend it. It's good practice. Becauses when the ground moves under your feet, that's the time to remember...what you want, not what you're afraid of.
Meditation and prayer are among the tools we use to build the base to remember from. When life doesn't go according to plan--or we can't see how life is fitting into our plan--the focus and flexibility we've built by sitting on the cushion keeps us grounded and remembering not our goals, or "what we want," but remembering our authentic self--that part of us that is beyond ego, beyond fear.
Disclaimer: I really don't care for the word 'authentic'--I think it's way overused, but in this case, it fits. Our authentic self is the Self that we reach for--the bigger Self, connected to all the other Selfs (spelling deliberate)--when we get rid of the clutter and judgment and interpretation that is often present in our thoughts.
It's easy to remember that Self when we're on the cushion. It's easy to pray and give thanks when things are going according to plan. I highly recommend it. It's good practice. Becauses when the ground moves under your feet, that's the time to remember...what you want, not what you're afraid of.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Practice what you preach
Today was Gandhi's birthday. Lots of messages flying quoting his most famous (perhaps) comment that "you must be the change you wish to see in the world."
I once read the story of where that line came from--I've no idea of its truth, but I don't think that matters. The story goes that a woman came to Gandhi one day with her son and asked Gandhi for his help in getting the boy to stop eating sweets. Gandhi gave her a date to return and sent them away with no explanation or advice. When she came back, Gandhi spoke to the boy and then to the mother, who asked him why he couldn't have had the conversation with her son at the first visit. Gandhi told her that he could not tell the boy to stop eating sweets until he, himself, had given them up. So he'd sent her away so he could do first what he was going to tell the boy he should do. "You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
We often hear it as "practice what you preach" and "walk the walk, not just talk the talk." My dad used to tell us when we were kids, "if you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem."
I used to tell my students regarding the 'law of three' that the reason we watch our actions isn't because of some karmic threat. It's because we recognize that our behavior creates the world we live in. Certainly not singlehandedly, but in our collective action. If you want to live in a world full of creativity, be creative. If you aren't, then you are acting to create a world you don't want. Want to live in a world full of love and joy and respect and prosperity? Put your actions toward those things. Want to live in a world where everyone gets what they want materially? Go for what you want materially. Dollar trumps? Live for the almighty dollar.
You may not change the world overnight, but you'll be helping it along. And you won't be fighting your own desires to do it. Be the change you wish to see. It's the only way to create it.
I once read the story of where that line came from--I've no idea of its truth, but I don't think that matters. The story goes that a woman came to Gandhi one day with her son and asked Gandhi for his help in getting the boy to stop eating sweets. Gandhi gave her a date to return and sent them away with no explanation or advice. When she came back, Gandhi spoke to the boy and then to the mother, who asked him why he couldn't have had the conversation with her son at the first visit. Gandhi told her that he could not tell the boy to stop eating sweets until he, himself, had given them up. So he'd sent her away so he could do first what he was going to tell the boy he should do. "You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
We often hear it as "practice what you preach" and "walk the walk, not just talk the talk." My dad used to tell us when we were kids, "if you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem."
I used to tell my students regarding the 'law of three' that the reason we watch our actions isn't because of some karmic threat. It's because we recognize that our behavior creates the world we live in. Certainly not singlehandedly, but in our collective action. If you want to live in a world full of creativity, be creative. If you aren't, then you are acting to create a world you don't want. Want to live in a world full of love and joy and respect and prosperity? Put your actions toward those things. Want to live in a world where everyone gets what they want materially? Go for what you want materially. Dollar trumps? Live for the almighty dollar.
You may not change the world overnight, but you'll be helping it along. And you won't be fighting your own desires to do it. Be the change you wish to see. It's the only way to create it.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Gratitude
From Michael Beckwith's book Spiritual Liberation (paraphrased): enlightened people are grateful for things most people take for granted.
I've always had difficulty with the "gratitude lists" -- and other suggestions -- although I've no problem with the idea of gratitude. But it often seems contrived. Do I really need to make a written list of things I'm grateful for?
Sometimes.
Sometimes life just kicks you in the ass, and while you're busy running from the pain, it's easy to focus on the 'oh crap' part of it all. Hard, hard, HARD to think of things to be grateful for if you've lost your job, a loved one, a court fight, or your mind from stress. Hard enough under lesser stressors -- looking back over the past 18 months, I've experienced a half dozen or so events that are considered major stressors, although at the time (and even now) I felt like it wasn't any one event so much as it was that I felt like a cosmic punching bag--I'd get up, and here comes the next blow. Hard, hard, hard to focus away from the crap and onto the bigger story. Plus, I'm very good at focusing to the point of obsession.
Enter gratitude. Silly or not, the act of consciously listing things I'm grateful for is one of the tools I use to pull myself out of any given funk. It's not the list, it's the consciousness. And I find that when I focus on what I'm grateful for, I'm aware of more in general. It's kind of like a walking, talking, conscious meditation.
I've always had difficulty with the "gratitude lists" -- and other suggestions -- although I've no problem with the idea of gratitude. But it often seems contrived. Do I really need to make a written list of things I'm grateful for?
Sometimes.
Sometimes life just kicks you in the ass, and while you're busy running from the pain, it's easy to focus on the 'oh crap' part of it all. Hard, hard, HARD to think of things to be grateful for if you've lost your job, a loved one, a court fight, or your mind from stress. Hard enough under lesser stressors -- looking back over the past 18 months, I've experienced a half dozen or so events that are considered major stressors, although at the time (and even now) I felt like it wasn't any one event so much as it was that I felt like a cosmic punching bag--I'd get up, and here comes the next blow. Hard, hard, hard to focus away from the crap and onto the bigger story. Plus, I'm very good at focusing to the point of obsession.
Enter gratitude. Silly or not, the act of consciously listing things I'm grateful for is one of the tools I use to pull myself out of any given funk. It's not the list, it's the consciousness. And I find that when I focus on what I'm grateful for, I'm aware of more in general. It's kind of like a walking, talking, conscious meditation.
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