Do your priorities match your life?

Do your priorities match? While you're thinking about that, let me follow up on yesterday's topic.


When we consider whether other people's priorities are running our lives, we're not talking about being selfish (necessarily). Others' priorities and others' well-being are not the same thing (and we'll talk about those another day). What I'm talking about is when our obligations to other people do not benefit us and perhaps hinder us. Even when they don't reach the height of George Bailey's problems.

For example: are you stuck with other people's stuff? I am ... oh, boy. I have, for example, some antique furniture. It was my grandmother's (it's not very antique: early 20th century). Fortunately, I love this furniture. But still, I feel like it isn't mine. I can't just sell it or give it away if I don't want it. It's a legacy. Perhaps you're storing something for a friend or family member. Done that, too. Here's where it gets tricky. They gave it to you because THEY didn't want to get rid of it (perhaps it's their legacy stuff). They're just shuffling their burden off to you. Now you can't get rid of their stuff, and they don't have to worry about it. Other instances: you volunteer to watch a friend's kids so she can get some alone-time. Then you do it because she asks. Can you say no? Or do you put aside whatever your plans were because "they're not important" and answer to your friend's convenience? Because you know what? It may be just that—a convenience. You're free, so she doesn't have to find a babysitter at $15 an hour. She doesn't have to schedule her plans for another time (because you did).

Why does this matter? It matters if—and only if, because really, it's not a bad thing to help out friends—you never get around to what's important to you, because what's important to others has become your only priority.

Got it? When you take home extra work that can wait until Monday, or if you freelance, you take on a project not because it meets your goals, but it makes it easier on the client, when you tell someone who is willing to meet you halfway that they don't have to go to the trouble—you'll do all the work (or driving or whatever). That's when you start getting in your own way.

So what are your priorities, and do they match? If your priority is to write the great American novel, and you spend your weekends taking on extra work, volunteering because "they need the help" (guess what? Someone else will do it if it really needs doing.), not because you find real fulfillment in the work, you just put other people's priorities (the school carnival, the unpaid take-home) ahead of yours. If your priority is health, and you put off eating better until tomorrow, your priorities don't match. If your priority is a bigger, deeper life, and you spend as much time as possible watching TV and playing computer solitaire, your priorities don't match. Turns out your real priorities are watching TV, playing solitaire, eating junk food, and avoiding the hard work. Is that who you thought you wanted to be?