The Bucket List

No, not jumping into movie-mode again. Talking about "the list."

There's this pop psychology trope that runs along the lines of "if you knew you were dying tomorrow, who would you call, what would you say, and why aren't you doing it today." Not getting into that, because seriously, I think knowing you're dying tomorrow lets loose a whole lot of restrictions that might make you act in an otherwise bad-idea way. And besides, we'll discuss this "live like you're dying" idea another time. Where I'm going with this is that this idea of acting because eventually you will die shows up frequently, and it sometimes takes the form of "the bucket list" (what do you want to do before you kick the bucket). And that's okay, as long as you don't get hung up on the form of it or start counting.

Because, here’s the thing….you gotta DO the stuff on the list, or what’s the point of the self-realization?


Bucket lists are good for one thing, at least—defining, clarifying, what’s really important. In Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles, one of the steps is to make that list: 100 things I want to do, see, experience, etc. before I die. Does anyone ever actually get to 100? That's what I mean by getting hung up on the form. Regardless, I did this exercise about five years ago and dropped a time-consuming, expensive hobby because of it. Not ONE of the things on my list had anything to do with the hobby that was taking up several weekends a year, time creating things to go with the hobby, money spent going to events that were centered around this hobby, and so forth. And I didn’t care enough about it to have any achievement related to it on my list of 100 things to do before I die…a list that topped out somewhere around 60, and I was including titles of books I wanted to write!

As long as you're thinking about exploding this year into the record books by finally finding (if necessary) and living your passion, go ahead and make that list. Challenge yourself to come up with 100 items, but remember, it's okay if you can't find that many. After all, "find a cure for cancer" only takes up one line, but it would be a hell of a thing to get done.

The thing to do at the time

So in our own sweet, harmless ways, a lot of us have that streak of George Scrooge (like how I made him one person?) in us: we perhaps drift into something, or we choose something that seems like a good idea at the time. We do this with jobs, learning opportunities, relationships, kids, all sorts of things. And somewhere along the way, we feel like our choices have disappeared. We may not consciously grumble about it. In fact, we may be mildly okay with it.

We forget it doesn't have to be this way. We've talked about this before—finding options that allow you to do what you love—and I'm not going to rehash it here (maybe later). For now, we'll leave it with this: every decision you've made – every one of them – CAN be changed. You do NOT have to do the things (or do things the way) everyone expects. Even the kids, although as a rule, polite society frowns on that sort of thing.

But mostly what I want to talk about today is a particular kind of drift, because I do this frequently, and it really can be painful—not just the emotional torture of wondering WTF you were thinking, but detrimental to your goal of living a life of conscious joy (and sanity). It's the drift we find especially glaring in George Bailey's story: the drift of meeting other people's expectations.

It's not just becoming a doctor because your parents expected it. The worst, most pervasive and perverse is when other people's expectations—in the form of their PRIORITIES—become your to-do list.

Instead of saying 'no,' we say 'yes.' Instead of sitting down to write the great American novel, we write to the market (this is not bad, by the way, if your goal is to be a bestselling author, but it is bad if your goal is to write a particular story and you don't). Instead of eating the way that makes your body feel its best, that puts you at peak performance, you graze to be polite (again, not so bad, perhaps, if you're at an intimate dinner, the host/hostess are great friends, etc, but really, at a party? Who cares if you munch on carrots and cheese cubes instead of those little quiche thingies? And if they do care, why do YOU?)

We do things that will make us look cool (every generation has its cool), instead of things that make us happy. We listen to Bach when we really want to listen to Twisted Sister (or vice versa). And so on. We schedule our lives around the convenience of other people and we don't walk away when we're unhappy because "what would people think?"

If you are anything other than completely thrilled with your life right now, I invite you to take advantage of the season, the day, the whatever to decide on just one thing to say 'no' to. Just one. Give yourself permission to not be the person everyone else wants you to be or thinks you ought to be, at least in your imagination.

It's YOUR life.

To do today

Today's to-do list contains the usual mundane items: some things I need to do for work, cleaning, working out, steps to do on various writing projects and for a couple of professional associations I belong to.

I like to-do lists. I look at mine frequently, throughout the day. So I've started adding reminders to mine, more amorphous "to-do" items that aren't going to really get crossed off the list. Yesterday, I added "be aware of synchronicity" to mine. It's on there again today, so every time I look at that list, I'm reminded to bring synchronicity to the forefront of my attention. I've added "be aware of beauty," and one I snagged off Danielle LaPorte's blog several months ago--"French kiss life."

What's on your to-do list?