Letting go of control

Those of you who've read CP will recognize this issue in the 4th insight--the one about our "control dramas." But I want to take a big step away from that. In other words, don't forget everything you've read, but consider that it might not be THE game changer. It's not really about HOW you want to control things, rather THAT you want to control them. It's hard, and it's scary, to give up control sometimes, especially when it comes to walking away from an argument, or a dream....


It's because we think we're right. Of course we do. NO one really walks around saying "I'm going to win this argument, because I'm wrong." (Okay, maybe some people do, but we're talking about in semi-enlightened moments, here.) We think we're right, and we think our vision is right, and so we want people to see things our way. Doesn't matter, really, if it's an argument with our lover or an argument with an opposing political or cultural view. (You think you tolerate everyone and everything? Give it a try. $10 says less than 10 minutes gets you to something that punches a control button.) I don't know that this necessarily is a bad thing. I think that often, people who claim that truth is relative and everyone's point of view should carry equal weight are kidding themselves about how they really see the world. (The Dalai Lama and a few others may be an exception to this rule.) However, this isn't really the point. As I said above, it's not about how we want to be in control, but about THAT we do...and how do we walk away from that with our sense of self intact?

This is one reason we practice awareness, and we practice being connected to Source.

Being in control keeps us from being present. When we're worried about being in control, we're staying a step ahead of the game, watching our flank, whatever (sorry, ran out of sports and war metaphors there). What we're less likely to be doing is being in the now, with whatever/whoever is there. We're less likely to be processing, more likely to be reacting, relying on what used to be, rather than what is. We practice awareness on the cushion, but also in ordinary times, so that when the stressful moments hit, we have better success at stepping back and out of the drama.

Realizing that you are always connected, practicing that connection so that you are more aware and attuned, is key to releasing control. When we are aware that we are connected to Source, we can draw on the energy of that connection and we do not need to maintain our sense of self by being in control. We can allow things to be perfect just as they are, rather than as we'd like them to be, because WE DON'T LOSE.

Being able to let go of being in control also opens us to the awareness of other options. When we don't have to hang on to our marriage at all costs, when we don't have to be right all the time, we have room to let someone else—such as Source—be right, and point us in a direction we hadn't considered (remember, obstacles may be—pardon the cheesy comparison—turn signals. Sometimes "no" is a great thing.). Make sense? If there is divine purpose to our lives, and if we have purpose and plans (for lack of a better word) beyond the physical, and we realize we have chosen a physical existence for a reason, then how can we say that the physical reality we face—including our knowledge of what's best for us—is all there is?

Note: this is NOT blaming the victim, nor do I believe "it was God's will" is an answer. All I'm saying is that when we cling to control, we miss the opportunities in front of us, whether they're for growth, for energy shifting, or for options in our physical reality we might not be paying attention to. Just a thought.

I am willing for this to be perfect

If you aren't already following your dreams to their illogical conclusion (there's a point where logic is no longer applicable), chances are good that you have a deep, hard lesson to learn. I don't mean painful, just hard to internalize.

Trust.

You are going to have to learn to trust your gut, your intuition, your guidance. Learn to trust that yes, you DO know when it's right--that it's not just wishful thinking. Trust that YOU can make a difference in the future of the planet (not to mention yourself!). Trust that taking risks will pay off.

My risk tolerance slope weighs heavily in favor of outcome. If there's an infinitesimal risk of something happening, but the disaster associated with the event is extreme, I'm not going to put it in my top 10 list, probably. Large chance of much smaller disaster is better--I'm usually thinking about what it's going to take to recover. Obviously I don't take this to extremes--I do get on airplanes, and of course I live in Florida where we do get the occasional hurricane. I, like most people, prefer the known to the unknown.

But to really live big, to live the paths of our dreams, we have to take some risks. Sometimes it helps to figure out just what is holding up your comfort zone and start there. Can't give speeches, but want to run for Congress? Start with your local Toastmasters club. Think people are going to laugh at you when you hang your shingle as a Reiki master? Start with word of mouth. Scared that you're going to get it wrong to begin with? That's a tough one.

What do you do when you're scared you're going to get it wrong from the start--that you actually can't DO the thing you want to do? The buddy system can work here. Do the work on yourself, your plants, your friends (with permission, of course) and then trust them to tell you the truth (even the plants). Connect with source on a regular (and  I don't mean semi-annual) basis. Let yourself do it right.

A thought/affirmation that popped into my head last night as I was running through the list in my head of everything I needed to do before moving today (moving house, not moving my feet), and the order and timing I wanted was this: I am willing for this to be perfect.

I am willing for THIS to be perfect.

Intention: Connect

I'm on a borrowed laptop this morning--for whatever reason, my computer won't connect to the network (even though it says it is) here at the conference I'm attending.

Lesson: sometimes we think we're connected, or think we ought to be, and we aren't. On the other hand, sometimes connecting is as easy as changing where we're sitting, or where we're looking, or the channel we're doing it through.

And sometimes we connect effortlessly, despite what we think is standing in our way.

When we connect, when we slow down, focus on something other than our issues/perceived connection challenges, suddenly things start moving. We start communicating in a new way, start seeing the world a little differently.

Connect.