I"m not feeling very spiritual today. Frantic, stressed...more accurate descriptions right now. Caught in the whirlwind of trying to get everything done that needs to be done (never mind what I want to be done), even feeling anxious about needing to find time to read! I have a stack of reasearch books, a stack of non-fiction that looked interesting, several books on spiritual growth and a half dozen or so novels I'd like to find time to relax with.
If I had time to think about it, I'd think it was the silliest problem I'd ever heard about. The reading. Not the rest of it, "it" in this case just being a lot of stuff going on that spiritually and mentally I know the remnants of some shifting patterns, but emotionally is one big test in trusting the universe.
So I haven't wanted to post, because somewhere along the line I created the idea that reallly, why bother if you're not going to be perfect every day? You know, like everyone else is. Of course I'm not perfect, but more importantly, I'd forgotten that the whole point is to bring attention to the changes in my life I'm making, the manifestation of the change in focus. It's not like I woke up one morning to this new world full of spirit and well-being that I'd never known existed--I've spent decades wondering why the hell I wasn't getting my act together and incorporating all the things I knew into a lifestyle that worked for me (the old one clearly wasn't working). Not that it's an excuse, falling back into old habits of pessimism and worry and looking for the easy way out (darn that magick wand for not working the way they promised). But it is a reminder.
This morning on the cushion, my brain wouldn't shut up. It might have been the shortest meditation on record. Some of the things pushing at the edges of my consciousness are steps I'm not quite ready to take, but one thing I realized (and this time I mean it): if I keep trying what I already know doesn't work, that's just stupid. And what's the line I heard recently? "Don't get stuck on stupid"? So it seems kind of silly to worry about making the changes that I know will work, just because a part of me is still worried about whether I'm living up to other people's expectations instead of my own.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Live to be criticized?
Here's an interesting bit from Seth Godin's latest book, Tribes. Tribes is a book on leadership, and on page 48, Seth says this:
"The lesson here is this: if I had written a boring book, there'd be no criticism. No conversation. The products and services that get talked about are the ones worth talking about....[ask yourself] 'If I get criticized for this, will I suffer any measurable impact? ....' If the only side effect of the criticism is that you will feel bad about the criticism, then you have to copare that bad feeling with the benefits you'll get from actually doing something worth doing....Feeling bad wears off."
If we spend our time worrying about what other people think about what we're doing, instead of doing what we're passionate about, we lose the chance (or at least delay the chance) to do something amazing. Write the novel of your heart (write it well, of course--we're not talking about the kind of criticism that comes with doing things poorly, I think), write an opera. Create art, poetry, an organization that feeds the hungry and clothes the poor. The people who 'get it' are the ones you want to have 'get it', but there won't be anything worth getting if you don't move.
"The lesson here is this: if I had written a boring book, there'd be no criticism. No conversation. The products and services that get talked about are the ones worth talking about....[ask yourself] 'If I get criticized for this, will I suffer any measurable impact? ....' If the only side effect of the criticism is that you will feel bad about the criticism, then you have to copare that bad feeling with the benefits you'll get from actually doing something worth doing....Feeling bad wears off."
If we spend our time worrying about what other people think about what we're doing, instead of doing what we're passionate about, we lose the chance (or at least delay the chance) to do something amazing. Write the novel of your heart (write it well, of course--we're not talking about the kind of criticism that comes with doing things poorly, I think), write an opera. Create art, poetry, an organization that feeds the hungry and clothes the poor. The people who 'get it' are the ones you want to have 'get it', but there won't be anything worth getting if you don't move.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
It feels good
A friend made this suggestion the other day: preface positive statements with "It feels so good to...."
It feels so good to have everything I need.
It feels so good to live the life of my dreams.
This week...it feels so good to drive a perfectly functioning car. It feels so good to be centered.
If it's true that we attract according to the vibrations we're putting out, then positive statements as often as possible would seem to be the thing to do. We get "stuck," though, when we are focused on the negatives of our situation: fear that the car is going to break down. Fear that it's taking too long to do what needs to be done. Fear that we'll never accomplish....
When we can remember that it feels good to (name something), we move the energy the right direction. We've all had those moments--no matter how we feel now, there's been that time when we had enough money, enough time, enough energy, enough love, enough passion...it feels good to remember feeling good.
It feels so good to have everything I need.
It feels so good to live the life of my dreams.
This week...it feels so good to drive a perfectly functioning car. It feels so good to be centered.
If it's true that we attract according to the vibrations we're putting out, then positive statements as often as possible would seem to be the thing to do. We get "stuck," though, when we are focused on the negatives of our situation: fear that the car is going to break down. Fear that it's taking too long to do what needs to be done. Fear that we'll never accomplish....
When we can remember that it feels good to (name something), we move the energy the right direction. We've all had those moments--no matter how we feel now, there's been that time when we had enough money, enough time, enough energy, enough love, enough passion...it feels good to remember feeling good.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Word for the day: breathe
"When you're ass-deep in alligators, it's hard to remember you came to drain the swamp."
Monday, October 12, 2009
Meditation, and something my mom doesn't know about me
My mother reads pretty much anything I write for public consumption, so it will probably surprise her to see this. Don't worry, mom, it's good.
When I was a kid, maybe six or seven years old, we lived in a house on a busy highway--or as busy as a highway can be in rural Missouri. And we had early bedtimes. So it wasn't unheard of to be hitting the sack while there was still a busy world outside--and light, too, at least in summer.
It was here that I first learned to meditate. Unlike early bedtimes, meditation was unheard of, but that didn't stop me. Not that I knew that was what I was doing--I was just trying to fall asleep. In the process, I created a technique I use to this day to center myself, slow my mind, and focus, even when I don't "have time" to meditate.
Notice how quiet it is where you are. No, the computer humming doesn't count. Move closer. There is a zone of stillness reaching out from your skin. It might be only a couple of inches, but it's there--not just silence, but stillness. Now, make it bigger, maybe three inches. Now, six.
In the midst of a hectic day, you can recognize the zone of stillness that is around you at all times, and use that focus to quiet the chatter, the better to listen to what's really important.
When I was a kid, maybe six or seven years old, we lived in a house on a busy highway--or as busy as a highway can be in rural Missouri. And we had early bedtimes. So it wasn't unheard of to be hitting the sack while there was still a busy world outside--and light, too, at least in summer.
It was here that I first learned to meditate. Unlike early bedtimes, meditation was unheard of, but that didn't stop me. Not that I knew that was what I was doing--I was just trying to fall asleep. In the process, I created a technique I use to this day to center myself, slow my mind, and focus, even when I don't "have time" to meditate.
Notice how quiet it is where you are. No, the computer humming doesn't count. Move closer. There is a zone of stillness reaching out from your skin. It might be only a couple of inches, but it's there--not just silence, but stillness. Now, make it bigger, maybe three inches. Now, six.
In the midst of a hectic day, you can recognize the zone of stillness that is around you at all times, and use that focus to quiet the chatter, the better to listen to what's really important.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Meditation cycles
Last night, someone raised an interesting question about the thoughts that come up during meditation. In essence, he wanted to know what thoughts are worth pursuing, or do we dismiss them all as chatter.
Meditation is a cycle. We breathe, clearing the mind, so that the parts of ourselves we've been hiding can surface. Insight meditation (vipassana) is where/how we explore those hidden parts...clearing them, and then we return to a clear center.
Meditation is a cycle. We breathe, clearing the mind, so that the parts of ourselves we've been hiding can surface. Insight meditation (vipassana) is where/how we explore those hidden parts...clearing them, and then we return to a clear center.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
This meditation thing
Random moment: it's raining, with thunder. It's a beautiful sound. Kind of makes up for the 100-degree-plus heat index we've been enjoying this week. And yes, it's October.
Which brings me to my point. Sitting in meditation tonight, I would just begin to relax into the moment, appreciating the music, slowing my breath and my thoughts, and...boom. No, not the thunder. The mental chatter. Random thoughts with less than no meaning. Even though I know this is what it's about, it ticks me off. Years of meditation practice, and I can't sit through a 45-minute meditation with a quiet mind. Never mind that most of the time, I do. Most of the time, I use the time to explore what needs exploring, without covering it up. I breathe, or I delve--whatever is needed. Tonight, my anxiety level is higher than it should be--backlash from the good space I've been standing in while everything is shifting.
I'm not perfect. I guess I needed the reminder.
Coincidentally, our pre-meditation circle question from Karen was--how do you deal with the monkey mind? I breathe, I said. Or I focus on how quiet it is in the space around my body. And that's what I did tonight. Kept coming back to it, to the conscious breath, to the quiet, away from the "what if" and "what's next" flooding my mind. In a sense, this was monkey mind at its finest--not so much random (like the "did I turn off the stove" questions) as it was a parade of things that I'm anxious about. There's a lot going on, and I've been spending enough time worrying in waking life that you'd think I could give it up for an hour.
And I'm reminded again of Pema Chodron's remark that we do not meditate in order to be good at meditating. We meditate to become more aware in our lives.
“There’s nowhere to go on this path. There’s nothing to accomplish. The moment you move into your heart of compassion, you are there. And you don’t have to be a perfect person to do that. You can simply be present to whatever you are, moment by moment by moment. You don’t have to understand, you don’t have to be bright or clever, you don’t have to know a single thing about Buddhism. Whatever happens, embrace it in compassion, and let go of everything else.” Cheri Huber, in Sara Jenkins' "This Side of Nirvana."
This is the 'greater vehicle' of Buddhist tradition--the realization that meditation, daily life....it's all one thing. We don't have to move into a monastery to meditate. It's right in front of us--everything in life is better for being brought up into the meditation room, even the worries. Even the chatter.
Sometimes, it's good to get a reminder of that.
Which brings me to my point. Sitting in meditation tonight, I would just begin to relax into the moment, appreciating the music, slowing my breath and my thoughts, and...boom. No, not the thunder. The mental chatter. Random thoughts with less than no meaning. Even though I know this is what it's about, it ticks me off. Years of meditation practice, and I can't sit through a 45-minute meditation with a quiet mind. Never mind that most of the time, I do. Most of the time, I use the time to explore what needs exploring, without covering it up. I breathe, or I delve--whatever is needed. Tonight, my anxiety level is higher than it should be--backlash from the good space I've been standing in while everything is shifting.
I'm not perfect. I guess I needed the reminder.
Coincidentally, our pre-meditation circle question from Karen was--how do you deal with the monkey mind? I breathe, I said. Or I focus on how quiet it is in the space around my body. And that's what I did tonight. Kept coming back to it, to the conscious breath, to the quiet, away from the "what if" and "what's next" flooding my mind. In a sense, this was monkey mind at its finest--not so much random (like the "did I turn off the stove" questions) as it was a parade of things that I'm anxious about. There's a lot going on, and I've been spending enough time worrying in waking life that you'd think I could give it up for an hour.
And I'm reminded again of Pema Chodron's remark that we do not meditate in order to be good at meditating. We meditate to become more aware in our lives.
“There’s nowhere to go on this path. There’s nothing to accomplish. The moment you move into your heart of compassion, you are there. And you don’t have to be a perfect person to do that. You can simply be present to whatever you are, moment by moment by moment. You don’t have to understand, you don’t have to be bright or clever, you don’t have to know a single thing about Buddhism. Whatever happens, embrace it in compassion, and let go of everything else.” Cheri Huber, in Sara Jenkins' "This Side of Nirvana."
This is the 'greater vehicle' of Buddhist tradition--the realization that meditation, daily life....it's all one thing. We don't have to move into a monastery to meditate. It's right in front of us--everything in life is better for being brought up into the meditation room, even the worries. Even the chatter.
Sometimes, it's good to get a reminder of that.
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